Thursday, January 29, 2009
Lawyer vs. Client
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defence:"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a fewtrifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you canpunish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb.""Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
The Sardarji Encyclopedia Continued...
What do you call a Sardarji who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
* * * * * *
What do you call a Sardarji who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.
* * * * * *
Why does Sardarji always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
* * * * * *
Why does Sardarji have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
* * * * * *
How can you tell when Sardarji sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
* * * * * *
Why can't Sardarji dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
* * * * * *
How do you get Sardarji on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
* * * * * *
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardarji looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
* * * * * *
What do smart Sardarji and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
* * * * * *
Why does it take longer to build a Sardarji snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
* * * * * *
TO LOSE WEIGHT..
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?” asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 kms from home."
* * * * * *
TRAIN TO LUDHIANA..
Sardarjis Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station. Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" "No," answers the Railway man. "Can I?" asks Gani Singh.
* * * * * *
A Sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon Sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
* * * * * *
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"
* * * * * *
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"
* * * * * *
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
* * * * * *
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese” when both parents are Sikh?" " Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
* * * * * *
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space. The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" (its the barking sound ) "Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!" "Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!" "Sardarji!" "Woof." "Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
* * * * * *
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
* * * * * *
DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared? I was enjoying my ride down there? Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*"
* * * * * *
Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." " Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?" "The scoundrel called back."
* * * * * *
----- End of Sardarji's Encyplopaedia -----
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
* * * * * *
What do you call a Sardarji who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.
* * * * * *
Why does Sardarji always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
* * * * * *
Why does Sardarji have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
* * * * * *
How can you tell when Sardarji sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
* * * * * *
Why can't Sardarji dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
* * * * * *
How do you get Sardarji on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
* * * * * *
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardarji looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
* * * * * *
What do smart Sardarji and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
* * * * * *
Why does it take longer to build a Sardarji snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
* * * * * *
TO LOSE WEIGHT..
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?” asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 kms from home."
* * * * * *
TRAIN TO LUDHIANA..
Sardarjis Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station. Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" "No," answers the Railway man. "Can I?" asks Gani Singh.
* * * * * *
A Sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon Sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
* * * * * *
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"
* * * * * *
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"
* * * * * *
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
* * * * * *
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese” when both parents are Sikh?" " Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
* * * * * *
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space. The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" (its the barking sound ) "Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!" "Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!" "Sardarji!" "Woof." "Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
* * * * * *
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
* * * * * *
DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared? I was enjoying my ride down there? Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*"
* * * * * *
Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." " Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?" "The scoundrel called back."
* * * * * *
----- End of Sardarji's Encyplopaedia -----
The Sardarji Encyclopedia
To cheer you up on a Monday Morning
** The Complete Sardarji Encyclopedia **
Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
* * * * * *
Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
Just a sec," says the rep.
Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.
EMPLOYMENT
Our Sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, and ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column "Salary Expected”: He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote: Yes
* * * * * *
CROCODILE BOOTS.
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made; they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefoot!"
* * * * * *
A Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The Sardarji then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The Sardarji says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His Sardarji boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Sardarji replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
* * * * * *
A Sardarji took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
* * * * * *
What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies? He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes!!
* * * * * *
What will a Sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper? (He already has one and he wants one more...) He takes a photocopy of the white paper!!!
* * * * * *
Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh…we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! We’ll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed." All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA?????"
Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardarji?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.
* * * * * * *
Why did 18 Sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
* * * * * *
How do you measure a Sardarji's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
* * * * * *
What do you do when a Sardarji throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
* * * * * *
What do you do when a Sardarji throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
* * * * * *
How do you make a Sardarji laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
* * * * * *
What is the Sardarji doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
* * * * * *
Why do Sardarjis work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
* * * * * *
Why can't Sardarjis make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
* * * * * *
How did the Sardarji try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.
* * * * * *
What do you call 10 Sardarjis standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
* * * * * *
What do you see when you look into a Sardarji's eyes?
The back of his head.
* * * * * *
** The Complete Sardarji Encyclopedia **
Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
* * * * * *
Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
Just a sec," says the rep.
Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.
EMPLOYMENT
Our Sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, and ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column "Salary Expected”: He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote: Yes
* * * * * *
CROCODILE BOOTS.
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made; they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefoot!"
* * * * * *
A Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The Sardarji then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The Sardarji says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His Sardarji boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Sardarji replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
* * * * * *
A Sardarji took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
* * * * * *
What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies? He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes!!
* * * * * *
What will a Sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper? (He already has one and he wants one more...) He takes a photocopy of the white paper!!!
* * * * * *
Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh…we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! We’ll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed." All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA?????"
Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardarji?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.
* * * * * * *
Why did 18 Sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
* * * * * *
How do you measure a Sardarji's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
* * * * * *
What do you do when a Sardarji throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
* * * * * *
What do you do when a Sardarji throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
* * * * * *
How do you make a Sardarji laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
* * * * * *
What is the Sardarji doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
* * * * * *
Why do Sardarjis work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
* * * * * *
Why can't Sardarjis make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
* * * * * *
How did the Sardarji try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.
* * * * * *
What do you call 10 Sardarjis standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
* * * * * *
What do you see when you look into a Sardarji's eyes?
The back of his head.
* * * * * *
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